Category: Dating and Relationships
I originally wrote this before finding my boyfriend, so I'm adding to it in some sections. For the record, I'm 24 and he's 62. He's also the oldest man I've had as a partner, so my ideas of men older than him are from what I've read.
The following is not based on any type of scientific research, just on my own observations. I've noticed some troubling stereotypes about older men and younger women.
1. Dirty Old Man This one could be taken as a joke. It could even be a turn-on in bed. But unfortunately, I mean it in a different way. Some people seem to think that just because an older man wants to have sex, he's automatically a child molester or a stalker of women and such. The unwritten rule seems to be have fun while your young, but as soon as you hit a certain age, sex is off limits. This truly saddens me and gives many older men, who would never even think of doing such things, a bad reputation. From what I've seen, the problem is compounded by internet usage. Now please don't take this as everyone is safe on the net and there are no such men in existance. All I'm saying is that the majority of older men are not like this. My boyfriend certainly isn't. I've never seen him get really angry, but I'm sure if he heard of a child getting hurt or of any woman being molested, he definitely would get beyond upset.
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. Gold Diggers/Moochers I'm sure we all know women who just go after guys for money, whether in the movies or in real life. But it seems to be a thing with people to assume that just because a woman is with an older man, it's for his money. This is especially the case with celebreties, and while it may be true in some cases, as with most things, one size doesn't fit all. the other idea is that if the guy doesn't have lots of money, the woman must be crazy or must have other mental issues and "needs help". My boyfriend doesn't have money, but I love him, and he makes me happy. That's why we're together.
3. The Father Syndrome (My own name used here.) This is the third alternative to the gold digger. People like Freud (whom I personally discredit on many levels) promoted this idea and I've heard it mentioned a few places today as well, though I've never taken psychology. It basically states that younger women go with older men because they need some kind of father-figure. Again, I'm sure there are exceptions, but I'm also sure that, especially today, many women would strongly disagree with this notion. While I never had a father, I did grow up with, and still have, two wonderful loving parents who filled their roles nicely. I do not feel that Spiros is like a father or grandfather to me nor do I feel I need one in my life.
4. Wasting your youth I've often heard this one, especially after my boyfriend and I started going out. The notion that the partner is wasting her youth because she's with an older man. Who's to say? If two people are happy together, that's all that should matter. Some might say that she may not get to do all the young things because, having done them already, the older man wouldn't be interested. But did they ever stop and think that maybe she doesn't want to do those things, that they have their own ways of having fun or that he wouldn't mind doing some of those things? It's not as if getting older means you give up your life and sit there all day and do nothing. Of course, health issues might be a consideration when the man is elderly, but that doesn't mean he can't laugh and have fun or make a woman happy. Along with this wasted youth idea is the burden. People think that if the older man gets sick, he'd be taking away from his younger partner. This is not true if she truly loved him and was willing to take care of him. I know personally that if Spiros got sick and wouldn't let me take care of him I'd be very upset.
As it is, he's neither elderly nor in bad health and though the former wouldn't bother me, I'm very grateful for the latter.
5. Lack of sex As I've already stated, many people think that once you hit a certain age, sex should be offlimits. I think this idea is ridiculous. If you can have it and stay safe, go for it! Older men can and do have sex, and I mean much older than my boyfriend. It's all in the genes and in the attitude. And I can also say from personal experience that older men definitely know how to take care of their partners. Plus, they last longer and when they do cum it's more exciting.
So there they are. My question now becomes, how can these views be changed. Does anyone notice differences in how people view age gap relationships today as opposed to in the past. Has the "acceptable" gap in age changed at all? What about if it was reversed and the woman was older and the man younger?
Should these views be changed? Remember often although not always stareotypes do have basis in fact.
Yea Tif. I'm in your corner. I would like to hear about guys who date older women. That would be interesting. What you said is food for thought. I've never dated a man who was that much older than me, but I believe you've cleared up a lot of issues. See you on elder folk. Hugs.
Glad I was able to help. As for some stereotypes having a basis in fact, I agree that some do. I'm not saying that there aren't men out there who are this way or women who just want use older men. It's just that those of us who aren't that way always get a bad wrap and it's a taboo when it shouldn't be.
I think it's often true that men who get to a certain age cherish a young girl friend as a status symbol or sign of still being "cool". It's kind of like a sport's car. I think this is very common, I've witnessed this time and time again. It doesn't mean they're just after the sex or that they're not genuinely attracted to the girl, but there might be biological reasons behind the attraction. Similarly, biologically, researches suggest that women are sometimes attracted to older men because of stability/wealth/power etc. I don't think this always applies or even that there's anything particularly wrong with these impulses, as long as they don't cause the guys to leave their wife's children etc high and dry and hook up with a "young beautiful woman". I think that's wrong, no matter what age the guy is or course.
I, personally, could not physically be with a woman that is more than, say, 10 years older than me at the oldest, the thought just turns me off hugely. But if other people are happy with their partners, all the power to them.
same here. i couldnt be with a guy who was more than 10 years older than me. my husband is 9 years older than me. but i couldnt even fathom being with someone who was 62 years old. that is just a major turn off.
One bad apple can (and does) ruin the whole bunch. I think "do what you will as long as you hurt none". Though one concern...or at least additional thought. My thought would be for any children that might come from the union. Can he help as much, and there is little probability that he will be able to be there for the child(children) as long as most have their fathers. I to date an older man; though he is not that much older than me, and I don't care what others do as long as they're happy and it hurts no one, but these are the first questions/thoughts that come to my mind...The children...
Agreed with B here. I wouldn't ever date anyone that much older than me, but if it works for some people, and the couple is happy, then it works. I would say that I wouldn't consider dating anyone more than ten years older than me, and that's perhaps even stretching it a bit. I do prefer the guy to be older than me, but there's a limit.
I too would worry about children for precisely the same reason. Personally, I'm on birth control, so I'm not too worried for myself. However, that is a genuine concern along with how the child of such a relationship would be treated by the outside world.
Ah but we are forgetting that death takes the young as well as the old. Because your husband is say 2 or 3 years older then you doesn't mean he will live to see your children raised. Children are vary adaptable, as is the poster of this topic. She doesn't, nor hasn't had a father in her life and is no worse to wear because of it. Now as for aging we all must do it, the problem is that people will not take care of themselves, so they are not only old, but decrepit. While we are young we put our bodies through hell, then expect them to last and be healthy. This is far from the truth. If a body is well cared for, female, or male, age is just the number on your birthday, but doesn't keep you from enjoying these activities you once did at say 21. Older women can be exciting, due to not having baggage, plus they are sure of what they want, so the relationship is easier. She doesn't worry much about what the younger man will do, because she's been there done that and is secure in her life emotionally; most times. This is not always, but most. Same with older men. Last your mind gets in the way of enjoying life, meaning at say 60 and your girl, or guy is say 30 and wants to go out dancing, it is your mind that says this is a "young persons activity." Why can't you do this? Your not in poor health and can still get about, then dance, ride a bike, have a foot race. One day you mught leave, so enjoy it. Now as a man I find both younger and older women exciting the same. The issue is with the younger woman is inmaturity,excuse the spelling. This is an upbring or selfishness issue. Now with the older woman that mind set that says I'm old, so I can't do this or that. Both are a turn off. A 69 Jaguar is just as exciting as a 08 Vet and both need care and keeping to stay exciting. Young women can be unhealthy and old in body, out of shape, and the whole thing. I think the old man young girl issues will always be around, but I personally don't see a young girl as having a sports car. If she's not well kept she's rusty too. SMILE, and I'm not interested.